![]() He never let me hang out with my friends and when I did he would immediately threaten to break up with me or kill himself. When I made the decision to start growing my hair out early last year he out right told me not to because it made me look "gender risky" (whatever that means) and ugly. Throughout the entirety of our relationship he would regularly tell me not to wear certain things or do my hair a certain way because it looked ugly. Up until the first time I visited him in person he never once told me that he loved me and even then he only said it for the duration of my stay and immediately stopped when I left. Eventually when she ditched him he threatened to kill himself and from then on would refer to her only in derogatory ways and I had to pick up the pieces. I can't even tell you how many times I cried about this. ![]() I asked him if he could stop and he told me that it's not fair for me to let him do it then take it back. A month or so into it he would constantly talk about how everyone thought he and this girl were dating and he would regularly join video calls with hickeys all over his neck. From here on I regularly told myself "I'd rather him be happy and me be miserable than us both be miserable because of something I said." He asked me if he could "experiment" with her more and I tried to say no only for him to tell me that wasn't fair. On a Friday night I had not heard from him for hours and I surely thought that he was gone for good only for him to text me much later to tell me he felt better because he got to cuddle with and kiss this girl I had never heard of before. The only way he was able to remedy this was to cheat on me with a girl he met while at college. He kept dangling suicide over my head by saying things like "I need your phone number so I can put it in my letter" and "I haven't eaten in two days". There was a whole week where I was so worried about him that I lost about ten pounds. He kept threatening to kill himself because his math and Latin classes were too hard for him. When he would do things like threaten to kill himself if I wanted to spend time with my friends on their birthday or him openly cheating on me with a girl he met in college I just assumed that's how relationships were supposed to be.Ībout two years into our relationship he dropped out of college after one semester. This is not even close to everything.įrom the start there were "red flags" but I was young and lonely and so was he. ![]() I think I'll just go through the relationship a bit to get it off my chest now. I just don't think this is how a break up is supposed to feel and I keep beating myself up about it. I want to make it clear that I don't miss the relationship at all. The only difference now is that I have no person to mentally project these feelings on to make me feel any sort of comfort so I've only become more depressed about it all as time has passed. ![]() It's all felt weird because for most of the relationship I felt extremely touch starved and towards the last year or so I didn't even feel emotionally fulfilled. ![]() It was not because of the distance but rather how he treated me poorly through the duration of it. This is just gonna be a long format vent sort of thing because idk where else to talk about this.Ībout eight months ago I (M21) ended my LDR with my boyfriend (M23) of six years. ![]()
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